So, what is an attractive, energetic, intelligent, forty-something, singleton to do? Certainly not wait around for someone to approach her – I could expire while waiting. So, I have ventured into the amusing world of online dating.
I am good at it, but I cannot say I enjoy it. It reminds me a little of a job one must do, but does not particularly enjoy. I worked hard to create an online profile that is honest, accurate and appealing. I wrote, edited, showed it to friends who know me well and a few who didn’t before I posted it. The pictures are current and representative. When men meet me they say, “Wow, you are prettier than your pictures!” I never know if this is really true, or just merely a complimentary thing they say on lots of dates – I am not sure I really want to know the answer to that question either.
I know that there are some things about me that are intimidating (articulate, independent, advanced degree, cultured interests, and well, I teach about sex – that puts lot of people off). Of course, I would argue that those are all things that would be appealing – to the right man. In addition, I really am pretty darn approachable and I could have a conversation with just about anybody.
The fact is, like many, I am really built for coupledom, and it gets old apologizing for it. I don't make a particularly good single person, I can do it, I just don't enjoy it. I have girlfriends and guyfriends who seem to do it quite well - I try to take notes. It is just that I am at my absolute best when I have a partner with whom I share things – that’s why I resorted to the online approach. And, I am a great partner; I even have references!
Note – grousing follows, skip the next paragraph if you don’t want to know. I'm not overly needy, nor psychologically imbalanced and rarely am I boring. When motivated I can be downright sexy. Damn it, I have front row Cirque de Soleil tickets and I would like to take someone other than a girlfriend (sorry girlfriends). Cooking for one is annoying and relatively uninspiring. There is no one to whom I can quote lyrics or write poetry. I can't put fun notes in clothing pockets and there's no one to give me a good reason to sleep in or wash my back in the shower. I sincerely miss things like that, but I am not willing to settle either. At the point in my life when I have the most to offer someone and relationship skills that far surpass those I possessed at any other time in my life - here I sit, apparently too smart, too accomplished, intimidating and intense, or just frankly, not most peoples' cup of tea.
I want a companion and a witness to my life; its successes and failures. I am not in a hurry, but would like to be "in" something! I am thrilled at the possibility of getting to know someone's children as that "other mother"/non-parent I seem to be for my friends' kids. I want someone who doesn't think it is strange that I love Monty Python and art films, that I read sci-fi and fantasy and high art fiction as well as tons of non-fiction. I want someone who gets my sense of humor and can handle my energy and enthusiasm (which has been likened to that of a cocker spaniel, without the loss of bladder control). I want someone who conceivably has as much interest in hearing the symphony as Death Cab as Shamekia Copeland. I want someone who will actually take time when I have sabbaticals and go travel with me. I want someone with all of his own quirks that I can grow to appreciate. And, obviously, I would like some chemistry to actually pay off instead of just tempting me while I am still capable of having a sex life.
Frankly, the stable people in my life continue to be primarily women (and they are the ones who help in weathering disappointment). If I could move on the Kinsey (or the Klein) scale, I surely would because there are several women I would love to date - the problem is that I find men to be absolutely fascinating creatures and many of them I even genuinely like - there has to be one out there who gets me and is actually interested in a relationship ... with me. I certainly won't find him in my work or my circle of friends - I know all of them and I don't want to date them. So, what is an accomplished, attractive forty-something singleton to do? Date online, and then write about it in a blog for her friends to laugh about and then pass on to their friends for general amusement.
